It is a good thing that you are so willing to confess your sins, but beware of self-condemnation. To that end, I share my own testimony with you:

In the early years of my life, before I came to the Lord, I pretty much had everything that I wanted, but my desires were carefully limited due to a very rigid financial upbringing. In those days, I had no problem restricting my desire for things that I thought I didn't need, but I always had what was most important to me, clothes, for example. I had no compassion whatsoever on "poor" people, who came into money and spend it on cars and other extravagances, instead of investing it. The key to what I'm trying to tell you, is that even though there were not many extravagances in my life, I still had everything that I wanted, and had never experienced "deprivation" or the emotional pain that deprivation causes.

I may have told you that I went through a period of poverty, when the Lord first called me to preach, and during this period of poverty, I experienced "want" for the first time. It was very painful, although I openly admit that it could have been much worse. I was never without food, shelter, or transportation. However, I did not have everything that I desired, not only financially, but emotionally and spiritually. This was a time of great loss of the things of this world for me. the Scripture calls it fasting.

Well, much to my surprise, when the Lord restored me in this area, and some extra personal funds were available to me, I found that a large measure of myself control in financial matters had gone up in smoke. I struggle with this, even to this day.

I now understand that what appears to be wisdom and self-control in many wealthy and middle-class people, is really a form of legalism which is empowered by their carnal mind, and that any "strength" that we have through our carnal mind, will be revealed as "weakness" when tested in Jesus' purifying fire.

So this strength that I had that enabled me to resist any expenditure that I thought I should resist, which was based upon a law that my parents instilled in me, was proven to be a lie, because any strength that exists only to its breaking point, is not a strength at all, but a borrowed ability to accomplish one's goals for a designated period of time.

So, I have found out that the exposure of the lie -- that I can be strong by the strength of the carnal mind -- is the first step towards building the only true strength available to mortal man, the strength that arises out of a righteous mind.

So I now see that the financial strength of my early years was coupled with a condemnation of those who did not have this strength, and a miserliness towards the needy, which I now recall the shame. But I also see that financial self-control and responsibility is now available to me through the strength of Christ Jesus, my new, inner man, along with compassion and understanding for those whose self-control is weak because of previous deprivation, and a willingness to give to every legitimate cause, as righteousness requires it.

So, by all means, continue to look at your sins, but look at them through the eyes of Christ Jesus, because looking at your sins with your carnal mind is just as much the sin of pride as spending money irresponsibly. Looking at sin through the eyes of Christ Jesus builds up the life of your New Man, and reforms your personality in the righteous image of Jesus Christ, who cannot sin, but the eyes of the carnal mind produce only more legalism, condemnation and death.

You ask about the anointing that I talk about. It is produced through the union of Christ Jesus in me and the glorified Jesus Christ who is above. It is the Spirit of Christ, as opposed to the Holy Spirit. It is warmth, peace, calm and tiredness, as opposed to the excitement of the Holy Spirit. This is because the Holy Spirit ministers to the Old Man, who experiences EMOTIONAL joy, but the Spirit of Christ ministers to the New Man, who experiences the joy of EMOTIONAL STABILITY.

This is a great mystery. Many who are experiencing the emotional joy that the Holy Spirit gives -- which is a good thing -- misjudge those who have the emotional stability which is in Christ Jesus, as being unwilling to "praise the Lord." But this is an error, because the true "praise" is a mind that is in the image of Jesus Christ. And, although emotional experiences are acceptable to God for the season that the Church is still carnal, Christ Jesus does not engage in activities that stir up emotionalism. But, on the other hand, to deny oneself the emotional experiences which are available to the Church through the Holy spirit because of legalism, or a religious spirit, is the sin of pride, and is not profitable for spiritual growth.

God bless you.